Starring:
 Ewan McGregor
 Natalie Portman
 Hayden Christensen
 Samuel L. Jackson

Directed by:
 George Lucas

Running Time: 142 minutes 

Overall Crave Factor

I admit, I was a little leery, because of the damn critics that keep smacking on it...

But after a recent re-watch of EP 1, I realized what the problem is. Critics and the majority of people just don't get what these movies are. They aren't just a set of blockbusters made to order and made to fit a certain predetermined blockbuster mold. They aren't everything to everyone.

Lucas set out to create a universe and establish an intricate mythology based on his love for archaeology, mythology, anthropology and film. He has taken umpteen human cultures and reworked them into a world all his own. He merged Samurai with Cowboys, WW2 fighter plane movies with Pirate lore, Zen Buddhism with Americana pop culture and he gave us a dream world. Yes, it is true; Lucas is not the best director for drawing performances from actors. Scorcese, Coppola, Bogdanovich, they are famous for being ‘Actors’ directors. Lucas is the legend that he is, because he dreamed up an impossible to realize universe, and then spent twenty-five years making it possible. He orchestrates massive undertakings, like 2000+ effects shots in one movie, like creating 100% CG characters that can believably interact with real actors. Honestly, whether Jar Jar Binks comes off as a ridiculous character that is badly overacted, you have to remember that he doesn’t really exist. George Lucas created a being out of nothing and gave it an annoying and over exaggerated personality. That is probably the most amazing innovation in Film since the introduction of color.

I've seen all of the movies, god knows how many times, and honestly, as movies, they're not that great. The stories are sometimes childish, and the scripts are filled with clunky dialogue and a cluttering of unmanageable jargon and techno-babble. That is why we love them. Not because they offer a realistic look into the soul of humanity, but because they offer us an entirely alternate existence, something so unbelievable that it becomes inherently believable. Lucas has merged so many of our cultural touchstones, and taken so many recognizable cultures, rituals and beliefs, and then morphed them into a world of their own. He takes things that most of us have heard a tiny bit about, and melts them into his goulash, giving us a feeling of comfort and familiarity without actually knowing what we are going to see. As an experience and as a representation of our world as a whole, they are nothing short of amazing.

Now for Episode 2, which has gotten even more bad prerelease press than Phantom Menace. There is no real call for the criticisms I have heard. As I have just mentioned, Star Wars movies are not meant to be some fan-boy pseudo-religion. They are not being made for 45 year old malcontents who feel that their lives would be best served by turning a series of amazing sci-fi movies into a full-time search for the meaning of life. They are movies for kids, for the kids inside us all. So sit back and enjoy the damn movie!

Yes, the acting is a little stilted, and the romance between Padme and Anakin is a little heavy-handed. I say if you are looking for a romantic film… go rent AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER. Yes, the detective story is quickly resolved. If you wanted a detective story you should have stayed home with THE MALTESE FALCON. This is Star Wars, people, treat it as such. I will admit, PHANTOM MENACE did have some very real problems with pacing, convoluted plotlines and added information that detracted from the story (Midi-chlorians? Virgin birth?) but this entry does much to improve on that.

The action is fresh and a thousand times faster and more furious than in MENACE. The story is much more plainly laid out; there are still a few minor plot holes, but nothing that really detracts from the story. The main point of confusion is with the clone army and its original purpose. At first it seems like a Sidious plot, but then it may be a Jedi deal, but then why would Jango Fett be working for the Jedi and for Dooku? It gets confusing, but the film moves at such a breakneck speed for two and a half hours, you don’t have time to think about it until after you leave. There are many homages to the original films, which will make for fun DVD viewing, and feed the feel of this chapter back into the flow of the originals, more so than MENACE. This is definitely the fastest and most action-filled of all of the films, and is approaching the heft of the much-worshipped THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. It is a much darker tone than MENACE, but nothing compared to what EPISODE 3 will have in store for us. I have a feeling that Ep’s 1 and 2 were only necessary lead-ins to the final chapter. I think Uncle George has something very special up his sleeve for the fall of Anakin Skywalker.

Speaking of Anakin Skywalker…..

Hayden Christensen does a good job as Anakin Skywalker. Come on, let’s hear it… I know you bitches want to get your digs in on the new kid. He really is not bad at all. Granted there are a few moments of whininess that went too far, but overall, he has the glower and the smirk down. He is a huge kid, and he does look like he could be Darth Vader. Pay close attention to the one shot where he is carrying his mother’s corpse past his new ‘family’, and really check out that evil stare. He’s got it. He is the dark side. The whining and the pouting are part of the story and are straight from the script. Christensen does a pretty admirable job of making it look less pathetic than it could have. As is, he comes across as a bratty teenager who is too powerful and a little too good at his job, and is getting frustrated at being made to go slower than he wants to. This performance, just like the aww-shucks good boy performance of Jake Lloyd, is necessary to set-up how someone so inherently good, and so talented and powerful in the ways of the Force could be driven into the arms of the evil Emperor Palpatine.

The rest of the cast fills in their parts admirably. Portman is great, and without all of the pomp and stilted grandiose of being a Queen, she is able to relax and plays her part well. As evidenced in other roles, like THE PROFESSIONAL, Natalie Portman is a very good actress. She just needs the dialogue and storyline to help her out. Padme does seem older and wiser than in the last film, and you can see how she gets swept up in this man-boys charms and promises. Portman finally looks like she’s having fun being in a Star Wars movie. You can always tell who is a fan and who is not by their performances. Liam Neeson seemed lost in the first movie, as did Portman. McGregor and Jackson, on the other hand, are always visibly enjoying just living out childhood dreams.

Sam Jack is the BOMB as Mace Windu, of course. Sam has it going on, especially when he’s throwing down on Jango Fett and a Rhinoceros thing. McGregor steals the show again, with his dead-on Alec Guinness impression, while still adding a little bit of attitude and a little more swagger than you would expect. Christopher Lee is cool, very very cool. The augmentation of his lightsaber fight is seamless, and makes a septuagenarian Englishman look like a 20-something kendo master. I was a mite dismayed at how small and seemingly insignificant the Jango and Boba Fett scenes were.

The visuals in this movie are absolutely unbelievable. Yoda finally looks real and feels real. There are very very few instances where you feel like you’re watching CG animation, way less distracting than in SPIDERMAN. (Don’t get me wrong, I loved SPIDERMAN) If ILM keeps going at this rate, they will actually create life from pixels before the end of this decade. And I mean, they will actually be able to make a flesh and blood Yoda out of computer bytes, that will be able to kick your ass in person. The real surprise though, is Yoda. Yoda kicks so much ace in this flick, they may have to give him Sam Jack’s BMF wallet as a token of respect. Even in the introductory scenes where we see Yoda give Supreme Chancellor Palpatine a wary look of doubt, it is easy to see how much the technology has advanced in just five years. Yoda can be used as a real character now, instead of just a funny old puppet. Indeed, while there were smatterings of applause throughout the movie, the theatre roof was blown off when Yoda hobbled in to face Count Dooku, and made with the Dragon-style stance. The other CG characters are also well done, an aging Watto, missing teeth and looking weaker than before was a small treat. The Kaminoans, seemingly a wild twist on Spielberg’s’ ET’s from CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, were my new favorite aliens. They were strange and ethereal and reminded me why we all fell in love with Star Wars in the first place. The Cantina at Mos Eisley. Weird and wonderful creatures that we would never have dreamed of, dozens of them in one scene, no rhyme or reason, just there as extras. 99% of the people I have had the ‘Star Wars memories’ conversation with, considered that the first eye-opening moment of the original film. And in the end, isn’t that what we still want to see? Wild and crazy space aliens hanging out with Samurai’s who use lightsabers instead of katana swords? Good vs. evil played out in the most incredible worlds our minds can fathom?

It’s all still there, just quit complaining and pay attention.

So, really, critics of the world, cut George Lucas a little slack. So he's slack with the actors, so he likes to focus on the toys and effects, the man is human. Just let him show us the rest of his dream, before you assbags start sucking the wind out of his sails. If you were never a fan of Star Wars, then keep your remarks to yourself. If you ever were a fan and you have issues now? I suggest you lighten up and find that inner child.

Besides, I haven't seen any of you upstart Ebert's create a densely populated, mostly idealistic, and frequently beautiful universe lately.

It has the same problems as every other Star Wars film before it. It improves much on the pacing and muddled plots of PHANTOM MENACE, and the action is mind-blowing. If nothing else, Obi-Wan, Mace Windu, and Yoda are worth twice the admission.